Today I told someone that living on this rock in the middle of the ocean makes me feel a bit like The Little Prince. Just me and my fox wide-eyed and saying “ahhh” to the call and response of the universe. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Releasing yourself from the comforts of home for the comforts of unknown lush green land that wraps her vines around you and pours sunshine into your veins is what I wanted and needed for so long. Exactly one year ago I walked out of my final day of work and felt an intense need to vomit the energy that I had been swallowing for almost two years. At the time if someone had asked me what I wanted more than anything in the world it would have been to find myself walking barefoot in the jungle of Kauai. One year later I landed at Lihue airport and inhaled the sweet aromas of this ethereal land.
I woke up the morning of my big move chilled to the bone and exhausted. A storm had blown in overnight and Jackson Hole was covered in a blanket of snow. What life is this that I can wake up to 3-degree weather in the mountains and land in the Hawaiian jungle? It’s a beautiful life.
I have lived in Hawaii before, and I have traveled to most of the other islands several times, but I have never been to Kauai. Somewhere deep inside I knew that this land was calling to me. After 9 months of gently rocking in the womb of the Wyoming mountains, I was ready to embrace Kauai and let her embrace me right back.
We moved to a small organic farm near Kilauea where we have access to everything grown on the land through work trade as well as the opportunity to advance my knowledge about Ayurveda through one on one learning with one of the owners. This is what called to me. I had to respond.
We have spent one week here, and already I feel so many unnecessary layers falling away. At the same time, I feel a great deal of my power coming back to me. I have spent years giving my all in the work that I do. Planting seeds of hope, empowerment, and sustainability into some infertile environments under harsh conditions. I felt empty. Not in an “it’s the end of the world” kind of way but in a very quiet way that was true to my nature. I think pain and loss create space within us to be filled with whatever we choose. For so long the gaping holes in my energy carved by immense grief were left unfilled because I was not yet ready to hold and be responsible for what would come next.
After just one week on this island, I know that I was called here to plant seeds in my heart, in my mind, and in the earth. I was called to both give and receive abundantly. I was called to the table by mama Kauai and her powerfully strong heartbeat.
“You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupéry